Soar (The Immortal Chronicles Book 3) Read online

  Today, we’re leaving the reservation. Leaving Kas and Dani, and all of the other wolves so they can carry on with their lives. The bitterness rises in my throat, leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t get it; my life is irrevocably changed and I will never be the girl I was before, the one I was with him. I lost a part of myself when I lost him, and I don’t want that part back; it belongs with him. The thought of ever loving that deeply again, of potentially having to feel this pain again, holds no appeal.

  The sound of conversation and laughter filters through the closed door as everyone says goodbye to each other. The anger rushes through me and I see red; my power surges like acid through my veins and the darkness inside me grows. I step forward and rip open the door before storming down the hall to the communal room where everyone is gathered.

  “How dare you! How dare you stand here, laughing, acting as if nothing has changed – as if he isn't gone. Don’t you care? Are you truly that unfeeling? Didn’t you love him?” The words tumble out of my mouth, riding on the wave of my anger. Silence descends. Guilt, pain, fear and shock are just some of the looks I receive but none of them fully register.

  “Addie, it’s not like that at all and you know it. Please, calm yourself,” Dimitri says, edging towards me slowly. “We miss him, but this is our way. We will remember him in the best way, and honour him by doing what he would have wanted – which is to live our lives to the fullest, in the same way we would if he were still here.”

  “So, I’m not honouring him because I miss him. Because I grieve like the human I was raised to be. Is that what you're saying?” I shout. My tension builds and I start to lose control of the power inside me.

  “No, Addie, of course not. Please, Addie, calm down. This isn’t good for you.” He says, putting himself between me and everyone else in the room. He looks over my shoulder and I see the wariness in his eyes, but I can’t find it in me to care that he seems afraid of me.

  From behind me, my hands are pinned to my side. Struggling, I try to release myself, but the grip is strong.

  Kaden whispers in my ear, “Calm, Addie.” The darkness inside me responds to him and starts to pull back. I close my eyes to the world and focus on his voice. Losing Xander has allowed the darkness to grow so much it has almost consumed me. Kaden holds me steady, whispering to me, reassuring me that he has me and that I will reclaim the light.

  When I feel more like myself, I open my eyes to see the room has emptied and we are alone. My friends are scared of me! I’m scared of me. I lost control so easily. The darkness I feel since merging with Aeveen is something I’ve never felt before. It’s like a stain on my essence.

  “Thank you, Kaden,” I say softly.

  “Any time, Addie. I meant it when I said I’ve got you. I know what you went through, and that changes a person. Add that to the fact you’re the Reborn – well, things are going to be hard for you; and you’re still so young.” He releases his grip on me slightly and I turn to face him. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and looks into my eyes. “I know all about that darkness, Addie. I succumbed to it. I lived it and breathed it for a really long time. At times, I think I’ll never escape it. I can see that same darkness in you now. It will tug you down, and you’ll feel like you're drowning. Then all of a sudden, that feeling stops, and you embrace the darkness… that's when everything changes. You become someone, something you never expected, and definitely something you never wanted.”

  I’ve seen the darkness in him. I saw it the first time we met – and I remember how beautiful it looked; the darkness suited him. But now, I know differently. Pulling back from him, I hide myself from him.

  “I’m going to finish packing up the room. I’m nearly done,” I murmur, walking away from him – walking away from a temptation I don’t understand and I can’t face.

  “Okay, Addie, I’ll wait for you,” he says unmoving.

  “Thank you,” I whisper before hurrying away from him. Conflict battles inside me as it hits me again that Xander is gone and isn’t coming back. Dimitri was right, Xander wouldn't want me to lose myself, to give in to whatever it is living inside of me. Rushing to my room, I close my door and let the tears erupt again.

  I’ll never hear Xander’s voice again.

  I can hear her crying and it hurts me more than I’d like to admit, but I know she needs to grieve and I will not take advantage of that. When I saw her standing off against Dimitri earlier, my heart stopped. She looked so beautiful; the power flowing off of her was intoxicating, and it called to me in the most delightful of ways. But, seeing the fear she elicited in the others and knowing she would hate it that they were afraid of her – that Xander wouldn't want that for her – I stepped in.

  I know that darkness. I know its allure. I lived in my own darkness for such a long time. Each Fallen carries it inside of them, but most reject it. It is our way to live in the light and to help people.

  Dimitri was right when he said the Fallen were grieving in their own way; they were remembering the good times as is the way of the Fallen. We celebrate life rather than mourn death. I know she doesn’t understand that. She has not been taught our ways or our heritage.

  I vowed to my brother that I would look after her if anything happened to him, and I will. At the time, I never considered it a possibility. I had resigned myself to the fact that Addie was his. I vowed that I could be her friend. Now, everything has changed and yet I can’t help but feel unworthy of her.

  “Kaden, are you ready?” Michael asks from the door. I hadn’t even noticed him appear. Pulling myself out of my self-centred pity party, I stand and nod.

  “Just waiting on Addie,” I reply.

  “Is she okay? I mean, earlier was pretty intense,” Michael says, trying to find a smile to conceal his fear.

  “She’ll be okay; she needs support. She wasn’t raised the way we were. She only knows human ways. She doesn’t understand the danger of losing control of herself. We’ll need to be there for her, help her come to terms with it all; teach her how to deal with all she is.”

  Michael nods, he’s one of the most compassionate people I know. It’ll be good for Addie to be around him now. I wonder if he can sense the self-interest in my voice.

  “Maybe you should go and help her finish up, and I’ll help Celeste pack the car,” I prompt.

  “Sure thing, boss man,” he says before heading off down to her room. He’s been through so much, but his light shines brighter than any other I know. I watch him disappear before heading outside to help Celeste.

  “I should’ve known better,” I laugh seeing Celeste sat on the roof of the black 4x4 eating gummy bears. All of our stuff is already packed.

  “Yes you should,” she says, sticking her tongue out at me before biting the head off another bear. I look around and see Xander’s Elite, now headed by Dimitri, packing the two cars they arrived in. Dimitri spots me and nods a hello.

  “Everything okay with Addie?” he asks.

  “She’ll be okay. She’s still essentially human, in her mind at least. I’ll make sure she’s okay,” I reassure.

  “Good. Don’t take advantage of her, man. Don’t say anything. You and I both know how you feel but you must deny it. Xander knew it too, and he was okay with it, but don’t push her,” he says. I can’t find anything to say in reply. I can’t help but feel shame at my transparency. Hearing Xander knew of my feelings towards Addie twists like a knife in my guts.

  Dimitri sees my shame and offers a hand on my arm. “He understood Kaden, after all, he loved her, too. He knew more than anyone how easy she is to love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning anything, I’m just saying. You know the Queen will be coming back for her sooner or later, and I fear it will be sooner. She’s not ready for that yet. You need to help her heal, prepare her for what is coming,” he says before patting my arm and heading back to the car where everyone else is already waiting for him. He waves before he climbs in, and I stand and watch as they pull away.

&nb
sp; Dimitri and the guys drive away. I didn’t get to say goodbye, but I get the feeling they didn’t really want to see me again after my behaviour earlier.

  “Now then, sugar, no more tears. You’ll see them again soon,” Michael says sitting beside me and stroking me hair. “When we get back to the mansion, I’m fixing your hair. This is ridiculous.” He tuts, trying to lighten the mood, and I can’t help but laugh at him a little. Laughing feels strange, like it should feel wrong, but it doesn't. It feels as though it’s been so long since I last laughed.

  “That's better, sweetheart. He would want you to laugh like that more often,” he says softly. “He loved your laughter.”

  “Everyone keeps saying I shouldn't be so sad; that I should celebrate the time we had together, but the time was so short and full of crazy. We had moments, blips in all the madness that I cling to; memories of when it was just the two of us. He was so different away from everyone else. So many people didn’t understand how I could love such a cold brute, but he wasn’t like that when it was just the two of us. He was so kind, so loving, and so gentle. I miss him. I can’t imagine life without him Michael.”

  “Oh, I know, honey. I can’t even begin to imagine everything you’ve got going on inside of you, but I will be here for everything. For anything. You just come find me and I’ll drop it all for you, okay?” he says, pulling me in to a hug. I had forgotten how amazing Michael was. I find solace in him, knowing he wants nothing from me – that he just wants to be my friend.

  “Thank you, Michael,” I say hugging him back tightly.

  “Now, come on, let’s grab your stuff and get going. We still need to say goodbye to Rose and her parents,” he says, ushering me off the bed. Standing, he grabs the few bags, which are packed by the door and holds the door open for me.

  Heading outside, I hear Rose and Benny with Queen Talia and King Charles. Rose is trying to convince them to let her stay and I can't help but smile. She is so good and pure, so selfless. We round the corner and she sees me, quieting instantly before rushing towards me and hugging me tightly.

  “I hate saying goodbye,” she says, sniffling. I hug her back tightly.

  “This isn’t goodbye; it’s see you soon.”

  “It bloody better be, Addie! Please take care of yourself. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “I swear. Maybe next time you see me, I’ll actually get the chance to visit you.” I smile at her. “King Charles. Queen Talia. Thank you so much for coming so far for me.”

  “Of course, Addie! You’re one of the family; we will always be there for you. If you need anything at all, you just let us know.” Queen Talia says hugging me.

  “Thank you so much.”

  “Think nothing of it, Addie. It’s what family do.” King Charles booms before hugging me, too. “You make sure you look after her,” he says to Michael.

  “It’s time we we’re off. Our transporters arrived a few minutes ago but we wanted to see you before we left. You take care of yourself, darling girl.” Queen Talia smiles before taking her husband’s hand and walking over to where two young girls stand giggling.

  “Transporters,” Benny says. “It makes you feel so sick it’s unreal. I’m going to miss you, short stack. I’m so glad you’re okay, and I’m sorry I couldn't do more…”

  “It’s okay, Benny. You had to protect Rose, I know that. I understand. Nothing is your fault so please don’t feel that way. I want you to be happy. Both of you,” I say.

  He wraps me up in a bear hug, just like he did before we left the Academy. I miss those days – before everything went wrong. He lets me go and I see the same thoughts reflected in him. I hug Rose one last time before they walk away and join her parents. Then they’re gone, too.

  “Come on, Addie, let’s go home,” Michael prompts, walking me towards the black 4x4, where Kaden, Celeste and, Kas are waiting for us. I’ve not spoken much to Kas since I got here, but I know he was the wolf in my dream. It almost makes me feel embarrassed around him – to know he can visit my dreams.

  “I guess it’s time to say goodbye, little one,” Kas says as we reach the car. “We shall see one another again soon, I am sure. The wolves will always be an ally to the Reborn. And, if you should ever need shelter, you can come to us.

  “Thank you, Kas. I am grateful for your kindness. I hope it is a very long time until I need to call upon you and your pack for anything further. You’ve already done so much for me. There are no words to express my gratitude.”

  “No words are needed, little one. I can feel everything right here,” he pats his hand against his chest, above his heart, before taking my hand.

  “Goodbye, little one. Be safe,” he says before walking back to the building.

  “Time to get on the road, we’ve got a long journey home,” Kaden says, ushering us all into the car.

  It’s been a month since we returned to the mansion, and I’ve watched as Addie has gone through the motions of her grief. The disbelief and denial happened before the funeral, swiftly followed by bargaining and guilt. I thought the guilt would be the end of her; she didn’t eat or sleep for days until eventually, she passed out and we got her on a drip. Our own grief and pain was overshadowed by our fear of what she would do next. She’s more destructive than I feared.

  Now, I sit here in my office and I know her guilt has turned to anger. I can hear her in the gym as she spars with Ali, who turned up here last week. I can hear the energy behind every hit and grunt. Unable to stand it anymore, I set off to the gym. I’m sick of seeing her like this. Xander wouldn’t want her to feel like this, and I’ll be damned if I let her keep acting like a stroppy little princess.

  Rounding the corner to the gym, I wince at the sight of Ali flying across the room and crashing into the wall. She groans painfully when she tries to stand.

  “Looks like I got here just in time,” I say with a cocky edge to my voice. I know exactly how to push Addie’s buttons; she needs to let go of her anger and I’m going to give her the perfect target. I look to Ali who nods, confirming she’s okay before I swagger over to Addie. She’s stood in the middle of the fighting circle drawn onto the floor, her black and red hair is pulled back in a slick pony tail and her pale skin is flushed from the excursion. Her grey eyes look stormy. I have a feeling that before I’m done, they’ll have turned red and I’ll be feeling sorry for my sorry arse.

  “Now then, Princess, you should know better than to beat the help. Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

  “Don’t start with me, Kaden,” she says, her wrapped hands clenching and unclenching. She’s teetering on the edge of control. She needs to let go rather than keep bottling it all up, otherwise I’m going to have an Addie sized mess to clean up real soon.

  “Oh come on, Addie. I’ve fought better people than you. I trained with the best of the best. There’s a reason I got my nickname… and you can pretend you don’t know it, but I know the Keepers still talk about me in your history lessons,” I say, winking at her. She hates it when I do that, and I see a fire light in her.

  “Oh, please, you started your nickname yourself ‘Death Bringer’. I know all about how you started rumours to fuel your own hype. Let’s see what you’ve really got shall we, old man?” she says, bouncing on the balls of her feet, stretching her neck from side to side. I reach down and take off my black t-shirt, leaving me in just sweatpants. I might not be dressed right to kick her ass, but I’m pretty sure I can still take her.

  I crouch down and prepare myself for the onslaught of her attack. She gives me barely a second before she’s flying at me, and I take a kick straight to my sternum, which, if I were a human, would have killed me. It’s then I realise she doesn’t need me to play fight, she needs me to be real; to fight her as an equal. And whatever she needs, I will be.

  I let her attack me for a minute, let her get out the beginnings of her frustration before I fight back and meet her blow for blow. She steps back from me before throwing herself forward, p
lanting both her hands on the floor and springing towards me. She bounds off the ground and throws herself into a spin before flattening out and raining down on me, with a punch to the throat that knocks the breath from my lungs and my feet from under me as I fly backwards.

  “Holy shit! Kaden, are you okay?” Addie asks, panicked. I open my eyes and see her looking down at me. Thank Christ for being immortal. I can’t even be angry at her for attacking me because I started it, and she looks so worried, hovering above me.

  “I’ll survive,” I croak. “Wounded pride more than anything, don’t worry about me, Princess.” I sit up slowly and lean my back against the wall, taking short breaths, waiting for the edges of my vision to clear up, and my throat to not feel like it’s going to collapse.

  “More importantly, how are you feeling?” I ask dubiously. Talking about her feelings hasn’t been Addie’s strong suit since we got back here, at least not with me. She sits down next to me, leaning back on the wall with me.

  “I’m coping, I guess. I’m just so angry at him for giving in so easily, for leaving me. He was supposed to be this great warrior but he didn’t fight to stay alive – to stay with me. Then I feel angry at myself for being angry at him. It’s so tiring but it’s like this massive ball of rage in my stomach, spitting fire, making me lash out at everyone around me. I hate feeling like this but I don’t know how to stop it.”

  She swipes away a tear, one I suspect that is shed in both sadness and frustration.

  “I get it. If I’d been raised the way you were, to mourn death rather than to celebrate life, I’d probably feel the same, except I’d act out way more than you,” I say laughing, nudging her with my shoulder. I’m rewarded with a short burst of laughter.

  “But in all seriousness, Addie, it’s okay to feel that way but it’s not okay to shut everyone else out and take out your anger out on the people who care for you. They’re just trying to make sure you’re okay.”